Let's skip the "It's been such a long time" talk and get down to business...
Another argument has happened in the cove that is my relationship. This time, it was in front of one of her friends (and I was the one with the cool head this time, recommending we speak in private instead of in front of her gal pal). I can't say it was the biggest or harshest argument we've had, but this definitely ranks up there with all the stupid ones. She seriously got pissed at me because I disappeared for about an hour, while she was left to entertain our guests. I just went out in the hallway to have a smoke and some alone time... shit! Excuse me for taking a break from my duties as head clown at the circus.
Anyway, it pissed me off because she made it seem like she couldn't entertain our guests alone. For Christ sake, one "guest" was her best friend and the other was my cousin (who she's cool with). It's not like she was with strangers... It's not like she didn't know where the fucking salt was... She complains about how she doesn't have anything of her own in this house, and how she wants to move into our own apartment - yet when given the opportunity to make it her house or to even make it her own gathering, she points the finger at me and makes me look like the ungrateful person who became selfish.
I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm under her. I'm sick and tired of feeling like a butler. I see this last argument as one of the last ones we will ever have. I personally think she made the mistake of rushing over here and moving in with me (just over a year of being together). Couples need space to be themselves. They need their personal space and things. Here, neither of us have that. In a perfect world, we would each have our own place and be in a relationship where seeing each other doesn't turn into an argument.
I've come to the realization that, maybe, I'm not the relationship type. I'm not the fucking family man who is so full of cheer that he can double as jolly ol' St. Nick. Maybe I'm the lifelong single guy who drinks, smokes, has meaningless sex, and answers to no one but himself and his limitations. As this unravels, I'll truly see if these 16 months has been a wake up call for me.
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1 comment:
The thing about arguments is that it's never really ONLY about what's presently being argued. There are always a million underlying reasons for wanting to get back at each other and the argument just provides the outlet.
I have to say, living with someone isn't easy, especially when the situation is not exactly ideal. But living alone for extended periods of time, with no one to bitch at, can be a little sad. I don't think you have to "double as jolly ol' St. Nick" to be the relationship type or a family man. I think you and her haven't necessarily ironed out all the expectations you have for each other.
I think you have proven in the last 16 months that you CAN be in a long term relationship, so you may not be the manwhore you see yourself as :-)
Dale tiempo al tiempo, and you will see how things have a way of working themselves out. Best of luck and keep blogging :-)
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